A Baby: Have it Your Way

I've delivered five babies and have had five different birth experiences. Each delivery has taught me something new about birth itself. Delivering a baby is about making choices. You can choose to become educated and make your own choices or you abdicate to someone else -- a doctor or other institution. Either choice has certain ramifications. I hope my experiences will help you know where you want to fall in the spectrum. Just browse through them like you would a fast food menu -- pick the combo you like and read on.

The 21st century is a great time to deliver a baby because we have so many options. I thank a loving and merciful God who has given us the knowledge and technology to have healthier deliveries. When it comes down to it, the most important thing is to have a healthy mom and a healthy baby -- no matter how the baby is delivered. So, that being said, I think my birth experiences have definitely evolved in a certain direction and I'm happy with where I've chosen to be.

Baby # 1: Hospital, OB, epidural.

I was NOT educated and didn't even think I should be or needed to be. I completely gave my experience over to the doctor and hospital. I used an OB, scheduled my birth, and used pitocin to induce labor. Pitocin throws you into hard labor and is tough to endure. I had an epidural and ended up needing an episiotomy. The epidural removed any and all pain, which was really nice. If you have an epidural, you have to stay monitored which can inhibit walking around or getting into a hot tub. Somehow my body was able to push the baby out even though I couldn't feel anything. Epidurals can cause you to bleed more and they can slow labor down which can lead to a c-section if you stop progressing. I was one of those who bled more. Recovery with stitches was not pleasant. You're more sore for a longer period of time and the first time you have sex is scary and painful.

On the upside, I delivered a healthy baby girl and was able to just sit there and reflect on what was happening because I couldn't feel anything in my body.

Baby #2 Hospital, OB, No epidural

What a joke! My husband was in the Army and there was a feeling, among the army wives, that we needed to be as "tough" as our husbands and just "gut it out." So, that's what I did. I still wasn't educated at all! We took a "natural childbirth" class which was nothing more then watching a few live birth videos and the instructor telling us to breathe in short bursts (just how it's depicted on tv). When the time came for me to deliver my husband had no idea how to support me because I didn't know what I even needed! The delivery was fast -- too fast. The doctor was literally yelling at me to, "Stop pushing!" which I had no idea how to do. The baby came so fast I tore in both directions (you don't feel that because when the baby's head pushes against the perineum it numbs it thank goodness) and my baby's face was all black and blue. I was absolutely exhausted from the delivery but I felt better immediately afterward. I wasn't groggy, and I didn't bleed as much as I had with the epidural. The recovery was still hard, though, due to the stitches. However, most people think "tearing" is better than an episiotomy because you tend to tear along natural lines as opposed to one made by the doc. I think I agree because my recovery still wasn't as bad as my first baby. As with the first baby I was pretty much left alone during labor with the doc showing up at the end to deliver the baby.

Baby #3: Hospital, MIDWIFE, no epidural, Hypnobirthing

By the time I became pregnant with this baby I did enough research to find out the difference between an OB and a midwife. OBs are trained for surgical procedures and specialty care. Midwives are trained specifically in deliveries. In Europe hardly anyone uses an OB for routine deliveries. They're only used for c-sections and other more delicate deliveries. I am soooo glad I discovered and used a midwife. If you are going to have an epidural, an OB is the way to go. It's more technical and they're more technical. If you want to deliver a baby without medication, a midwife should be the choice. They are trained to support a woman throughout labor instead of just showing up at the end. They are also trained in certain techniques to help facilitate a vaginal birth instead of turning to a c-section.

This baby I also discovered Hypnobirthing. I don't think it's a very good name because it doesn't properly describe the technique. It's not about "hypnotizing" yourself in the traditional sense. It's about learning to put yourself into a deep state of relaxation in order to better facilitate the birth experience. The midwife I used for this birth required her clients to either choose an epidural or hypnobirthing. She refused to have women writhing in pain when they didn't need to. I chose hypnobirthing and it worked wonderfully. My labor was short and even though this was my biggest baby (9 lbs. 2 oz.) I didn't tear at all because hypnobirthing allows you to relax so much your body stretches how it needs to. I was able to be in the tub for most of my labor, which was awesome and also helped me relax.

Hypnobirthing doesn't take away the pain it simply gives you a way to manage the pain and speeds up the process. What would take two hours takes 10 minutes. After this birth I felt like I could stand up and run a marathon! I was euphoric and full of energy. My husband really liked this birth as well because he was much more involved and knew just how to support me.

Baby #4 Homebirth, husband (because the baby came too fast), hypnobirthing

This birth was INCREDIBLE! I decided we had had enough recovery time in the hospital. Since I was going without medication and using a midwife, we decided to have this baby at home. We did a lot of research and found the homebirths are, statistically speaking, safer then the hospital because of the potential for infection at the hospital. At your home, the germs are your germs. I had a kit which contained everything needed for a birth (shower curtain for the bed, a giant blow up tub, etc.) and I was ready. It was really nice not to worry about having to get to the hospital.

My water broke at about 12:30 a.m. and I experienced some pretty good contractions. My midwife lives 50 minutes away so we called her, but we all thought I would have more time. We were wrong. I got into the tub (with my oldest daughter also present and helping) and started to relax. The contractions were coming so fast all I could do was just hold on for the ride. Suddenly some part of me decided I would "feel better" if I were on my knees kneeling against the tub. The instant I did that I knew I was in trouble because the baby was coming. Luckily my sister-in-law, who also homebirths and is a doula, arrived just then and was a voice of calm for me and my husband. He got behind me and literally caught his son. 53 minutes from the onset of my contractions, the baby was out! The midwife showed up 10 minutes later to cut the cord, and do all the necessary checking and vaccines (if you choose them).

I recovered at home and was awestruck by the whole experience. Homebirthing is all about choices. You have power over every aspect of your birth experience. Some people may want that and same may not.

Baby #5 Homebirth, midwife present, hypnobirthing

Another homebirth. We thought it would go just like the last one so I was to call my midwife immediately. This baby had other plans, though. Instead of pushing right on my cervix the baby's head was pushing further back on my uterus. Labor was still progressing, but at a much slower pace. When my midwife arrived she asked if I would like her to help move things along? I nodded my head enthusiastically. I won't go into details, but what she did caused me to dilate from a 6 to an 8 in about 1 minute. After that transition lasted about 3 minutes. I pushed twice and the baby was out. My oldest daughter filmed this one and was actively participating. While my husband still delivered the baby, the midwife was there monitoring and encouraging. I liked having her there.

Well, there you have it. I'm glad I've had all these experiences, but if I could do any of them again, I could redo #1 and #2. I wish I would have been more educated and taken more control over my birthing. Oh well, hopefully this will help one of you as you pick from all the options out there.

S.P.O.C.S

We all see everyone walking around with backpacks and $150 Baby Bjorn baby carriers, but we don't see a lot of Moms with their babies in slings unless they're tree-hugger types or trendy celebrities. I tried a ring sling with Avery and HATED it! It was so bulky I felt like she was lost in there, so for the next two babies I used backpacks or just carried them. With Jack I decided to try again (as I had become a little more granola-y by having him at home) and bought a New Native Natural sling. This is the one Cindy Crawford supposedly uses, endorses and "just loves." It was okay, but not very versatile and I still didn't have what I was looking for. I wanted something like they have in Africa where the Moms are doing cooking, cleaning, and bathing their kids -- all at the same time -- all while carrying a baby somewhere on their body! Well, I found it! It called a Moby Wrap and I love it. It's essentially a really long piece of semi-stretchy cloth. That's it. In fact, you don't even have to buy the "Moby Wrap" you can make one yourself and there are tons of websites dedicated to helping you make your own sling and then learning how to wear the thing.

The technical name for all these wraps is called SPOC -- Simple Piece Of Cloth. Women around the world use all sorts of things from dish towels to shawls to carry their babies. It's we western women who have decided that we have to carry our babies with something that comes in a box, has plastic toys attached to it and is so large you have to carry it on top of your car! When will we learn? Or, we don't carry our babies at all and let them spend all their time in their carseats, bouncy seats, or whatever "seats" we may have purchased because somehow we thought we were supposed to (but this is a post for another time).

The trick is learning all the ways to tie your baby to your body to accomplish what you want and be comfortable at the same time. When you first get your sling it seems a little daunting, but after a few tries you are pretty much able to just whip it out. It's nice because it fits right in my diaper bag and I can use for whatever I need. In fact, it works great for emergency nose wipes, blankets, etc... The uses are endless. I highly recommend a sling and wish I would have used it BEFORE Paige 5.

Cradle Cap

The dreaded cradle cap. It is soooooo unattractive! All my kids have had it and, until Paige, I haven't even understood what it was! Basically, it's dead skin cells. Each day we sluff off a lot of dead skin cells. When we put on our clothes, take a shower, etc... we allow this process to happen. Babies, by mere virtue of the fact that they're not very active don't have the same opportunity. Thus skin cells build up on their heads and STICK creating cradle cap. I always thought that the more I washed my child's head the more cradle cap would be created -- wrong. I have found that washing my baby's head, at least once per day, will help eliminate cradle cap. I use Cetaphil soap because it's not as drying or olive oil and scrub with a toothbrush.

If the cradle cap becomes think you can soften it with a little olive oil and use a comb or toothbrush to try and get it off. Be careful though because it can peel off too much and cause your baby's head to bleed (one of my errors).

Life Lessons Learned

This is Paige. Isn't she beautiful? She came into this world in February and I became a mother of FIVE!!!!! I never, in my wildest dreams, thought "mother of five" would be one of my labels -- NEVER! But, just look at her! How could I even think of not having her?! She has already brought so much happiness to our family in the short time she has been with us.

I am, obviously, a much more seasoned mother now than when I had my first baby. I remember the moment I realized, with horror, that the hospital actually expected me to take that little human being home and be her mother! I felt totally unprepared and incredibly humbled. Well, that first baby is 9 years-old now and somehow she and I have survived. In fact, we've done better than that. Then, the second baby came. I had learned a few things, but having two children presented a new and daunting challenge. Number three arrived and I felt pretty at ease with things. When number four came I faced an entirely new situation because, until that point, I had only had girls. Number four was a BOY! What do I do with that?! Before I I even had a chance to get comfortable with him, Paige 5 arrived. WOW!

I've learned some things in the nine -- almost 10 -- years I've been a mother which I will post here. Hopefully I will save somebody a little time and you can learn from my trials and errors. Also, if you have something which can help save me some time PLEASE tell me! After all, I think motherhood was meant to be a journey shared by many. We all want what's best for our children. Besides, my children will be marrying your children, or be part of your community someday so I have a vested interest in happy, healthy children -- no matter whose they are.